The Golden Egg Awards
- Jan 31, 2018
- 15 min read
Awards season. A time where stuffy old men pick the film they thought was best, usually straight up ignoring anything science fiction or action based. This is all well and good, the purpose of these awards are to reward filmmakers for making creative and interesting indie movies and the like but sometimes it feels as though there should be at least one to focus on the bigger, more widely seen movies. Enter The Golden Egg Awards, an awards show for your average joe, here at A Real Goose Reviews I've put together a team of six people of varying ages to vote on what films and TV shows they thought were the best in a host of different categories. Here are the results: We'll start with the less anticipated awards and finish with the big hitters, so to begin we have the award for BEST VOCAL PERFORMANCE. This category includes any performer in a role where their face and body are not included in the performance just their voice. The nominees are: Frank Oz for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Bradley Cooper for Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2, Ben Wishaw for Paddington 2, Justin Roiland for Rick and Morty and Aparna Nancherla for Bojack Horseman.
Frank Oz's heartwarming return to performing as Yoda in the Star Wars franchise managed to get him no votes in this tough competition. Rick and Morty co-creator also failed to get him a single vote despite the various roles he plays in the show, the same goes for Aparna Nancherla's funny and touching role in Bojack Horseman as Hollyhock. As this website is not a democracy, I have decided to take it upon myself to break any ties and so award Nancherla third place as she was the heart and soul of the last series of Bojack, with Roilands performance relying mostly on screaming and silly voices and Yoda's appearance in The Last Jedi being little more than an extended cameo. Second place goes to the delightful performance Ben Wishaw gives in Paddington 2 as the titular bear, having gained two well deserved votes for his comical timing and charming innocence but blasting to the top spot of our first category is the brilliant Bradley Cooper for his performance as Rocket in the latest Guardians Of The Galaxy movie. The second appearance of Rocket in the Marvel Cinematic Universe gives the audience a deeper look into the characters layered personality and his struggle with attachment issues whilst also delivering the great humour we all adored from his last appearance, earning him the remaining four votes. With only three nominees, two of them being from Thor: Ragnarok, our next category is BEST MO-CAP PERFORMANCE. This includes any actor whose performance consisted of acting their socks off in a silly green suit and being turned into some kind of weird alien, monster or ape. The nominees are: Andy Serkis for War For The Planet Of The Apes and Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Taika Waititi for Thor: Ragnarok and Mark Ruffalo for Thor: Ragnarok.
At the bottom of the list we have the Hulk failing to smash this competition with Ruffalo gaining a grand total of zero votes for the funniest and most in depth look at the green Goliath to date. In second place, just scraping by with a single single vote for his hilarious performance as the gladiator Korg, is Ragnarok director Taika Waititi. Absolutely destroying all competition however, is motion capture king Andy Serkis having been awarded five whole votes for his performances as both Caesar in the latest Apes movie and the menacing Supreme Leader Snoke in The Last Jedi. Both of Serkis' performances this year have shown the power of motion capture and its ability to carry an actor's performance through a CGI character. Moving along, we have another three nominee category, dealing with the BEST CGI VISUAL EFFECTS. The nominees for this one are: Spider-Man: Homecoming, War For The Planet Of The Apes and Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
Despite its impressive rendering of Spider-Man, Iron Man and the Vulture in CGI, Homecoming comes in at third place with no votes to its name. Two votes went to Star Wars for its tangible planets, ships and adorable Porgs but fails to come out the victor against the beautiful motion capture effects of the latest Apes movie, which received four votes. Throughout the whole of War For The Planet Of The Apes, I never questioned the authenticity and reality of the characters, they feel so real that you could touch them. Each Apes movie has surpassed the last in terms of effects and this one is no exception. Next up, we continue with the theme of visual effects and ask what film or TV show had the BEST PRACTICAL EFFECTS. It's either: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Doctor Who or Baby Driver.
Instant classic Baby Driver parks itself firmly in last place with no votes showing that even the most creative car chases in film can't win against practical monster effects. Doctor Who's small budget aliens receive one vote, putting them in second place but the BBC budget very much prevents them from reaching Star Wars standard when it comes to creating creatures. From Yoda to Ackbar, The Last Jedi is unbeatable when it comes to practice effects and bags itself five votes. BEST ACTION SCENE next, because what are good effects without a killer action scene to put them in? This category takes into account the fight choreography, the effects and the quality of the scene surrounding the action. The ass-kicking nominees are: The Throne Room Scene from Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Forrest Scene from Logan, Thor v Hulk from Thor: Ragnarok, Rick v The President from Rick and Morty and The Trench to Village Scene from Wonder Woman.
Here we have two ties. Thor, Logan and Rick find themselves all with no votes. Thor's fight with Hulk and the scene from Rick and Morty are a fun time but pale in comparison to the other three when it comes to the motivations of the characters, which is why I'm putting Logan in third place despite its lack of votes. Logan however is lacking when it comes to fight choreography, aside from a couple of Logan/Laura team up moves, the scene mainly consists of a lot of wild flailing. Star Wars and Wonder Woman both racked up a total of three votes and so again it falls to me to decide. Both scenes are filled with emotion, they both serve a huge purpose to the narrative of the film and have great choreography and spectacle but I think the importance of the Throne Room scene to the Star Wars franchise as a whole gives it an edge over Wonder Woman but that was a very tough decision. Turning away from the visual side of things for a moment, we come to the BEST SOUNDTRACK category. This can be a film or TV soundtrack compiled of previously recorded songs or from an original score. The nominees are: Baby Driver, Stranger Things, Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2, Star Wars: The Last Jedi and Legion.
X-Men spin off show Legion sits as the only nominee with no votes as it may have had a great jukebox of psychedelic rock but fails to impress with its original score. Star Wars, Guardians and Baby Driver all received a single vote each so it came down to me to put Guardians Of The Galaxy in third place, with it's awesome mix of previously recorded music working in tangent with Tyler Bates' brilliant original score, and Baby Driver in second place for its perfect melding of what's happening visually and audibly, choreographing action scenes to whole songs that make the film look and sound fantastic. Star Wars didn't make it to the top three due to its lack of originality, although it was well used, the film relied heavily on the Binary Sunset theme from A New Hope to give us that nostalgia kick. Taking this category by storm though is Stranger Things' eery, synth based soundtrack that brings the audience that 80s nostalgia feel whilst also scaring the hell out of them and taking the remaining three votes. We return to the visual as we look at 2017's BEST COSTUMES. The well dressed nominees are: The Crown, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Murder On The Orient Express, Thor: Ragnarok and Kingsman: The Golden Circle.
Although very smartly dressed indeed, the dapper costumes of the Kingsmen failed to impress our team with it acquiring no votes, as is the story with the costumes of Murder On The Orient Express. The costumes in these films may have been pretty but The Crown, which received one vote for its accurate recreation of the royal family's historical attire, putting The Crown in third place. Recreation doesn't impress as much as the creativity of the costumes in Star Wars and Thor however. Star Wars comes in second with two votes, its dull browns, blacks and greys failing to live up to the dazzling colour and creativity put into the costumes for Thor: Ragnarok. Tails Waititi really took inspiration from the drawings of Jack Kirby in the third Thor film and it shows in the wacky creativity of the costumes that put this film in first place with three votes. But the question on everyone's lips must be "what was the BEST ANIMATED TV SHOW?" I didn't watch enough animated movies in 2017 so we're only going to be look at TV, the only animated movie I saw was My Little Pony and that is definitely not worth a nomination. So, without further ado, the better-than-ponies nominees are: Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Big Mouth, Adventure Time and Trollhunters.
The third series of Rick and Morty failed to impress the team, I for one found it rather disappointing in comparison to the first two, not to say it wasn't good, I very much enjoyed it but it wasn't enough to wrangle a single vote. Big Mouth, Bojack Horseman and Netflix's Trollhunters all wound up with one vote. I decided to leave Trollhunters out of the top three, despite its fantastic and creative approach to making a children's TV show. Big Mouth I put in third for it's hilarious, nostalgic and informative deep dive into puberty and life as a teen, which leave Bojack Horseman to come in second place. Bojack is not only my personal favourite animated show but it might be my favourite TV show of all time with its amazing character studies of these ridiculous animal people that I really connect with. The show weaves silly animal puns in with great satire of Hollywood culture and with surprisingly intelligent political commentary. With three votes though, taking the top spot, is Adventure Time. This show's commitment to story and character development over many seasons is mind blowing, the world of Ooo just continues to get bigger and better as each year goes by. Let's get comedic and find out what the FUNNIEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR was in 2017. This includes both film and TV, as do all the acting categories, so let's find out the nominees: Chris Hemsworth for Thor: Ragnarok, Gatan Matarazzo for Stranger Things, Tom Holland for Spider-Man: Homecoming, Hugh Grant for Paddington 2 and Ted Danson for The Good Place.
Hugh Grant's flamboyant and fun performance in Paddington couldn't save him from the zero votes treatment, putting him right at the bottom of the list. With Hemsworth, Holland and Matarazzo all bagging one vote it fell to me to bestow the rank of second and third to someone. Tom Holland's quippy performance in Homecoming is the most accurate portrayal of Spider-Man we've ever had but is just beaten into the top three by his Avenger buddy Thor, as Chris Hemsworth's improv chops truly shine in Thor: Ragnarok. In second place sits Gatan Matarazzo with his bang on comic timing carrying the comedy of Stranger Things 2. The run away winner of this category though, is Ted Danson with three votes to his name. Danson's character in a The Good Place is equal parts hammy villain and witty friend and he pulls it off so well, he's a complete scene stealer in a show filled to the brim with fantastic comedic performances. Next we find out who gave the FUNNIEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS out of the following nominees: Kristen Bell for The Good Place, Pearl Mackie for Doctor Who, Lucy Davis for Wonder Woman, Pom Klementieff for Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 and Sally Hawkins for Paddington 2.
Mackie and Hawkins didn’t bring sufficient laughs to the table leaving them out of the top three with no votes to their name. Davis and Bell both ended up with a vote each so I broke the tie, putting Davis in third, as her performance fundamentally boils down to the short clumsy British woman archetype. Bell comes in at second for her performance in The Good Place, which is both hilarious and manages to evolve constantly as her character develops through the series. Our winner though is Pom Klementieff, who plays Mantis in the sequel to Guardians Of The Galaxy. Klementieff’s performance stands out in a film filled with funny stars like Chris Pratt and Bradley Cooper and whilst they sacrifice some of their silliness in favour of getting some character development, Mantis picks up the slack and outshines them all. We’ve heard from our funny guys and picked the funniest of the year but what was the FUNNIEST FILM OR TV SHOW on the whole? Was it: The Good Place, Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2, Thor: Ragnarok, Spider-Man: Homecoming or Paddington 2?
Marvel perhaps lost a bit of its comedy power in 2017 with two of their three releases of the year getting no votes at all, those being Thor and Spider-Man. There really is some tough competition when two of the funniest Marvel movies ever get nothing in this category, however, TV’s The Good Place rightfully beats them to the bronze medal spot with one vote for being a truly original take on the sitcom with clever humour and lessons about ethics. Paddington, also with one vote, is chosen to take second place, the second funniest film of the year with its delightful family friendly British humour. Marvel drags itself back from its nasty defeat though with Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 taking the top spot with four votes. We venture now into the real prestige awards, starting with some stiff competition in the BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS category. Nominees for this category are: Millie Bobby Brown for Stranger Things, Daphne Keen for Logan, Jamie Ray Newman for The Punisher, Kelly Marie Tran for Star Wars: The Last Jedi and Julianne Moore for Kingsman: The Golden Circle.
Jamie Ray Newman’s heart felt performance as a grieving wife in Netflix’s The Punisher doesn’t get a look in with such great performances to go up against and despite beating Newman’s total with just one vote, neither does Julianne Moore. In third place Kelly Marie Tran’s divisive performance as Rose from the latest Star Wars movie is award also one vote. The two young stars from Stranger Things and Logan both earned two votes, with Keen getting the top spot due to blowing my mind with her improvised performance in the truck scene from Logan. Millie Bobby Brown gets second place, just missing out on first mostly due to her only really having one episode to truly shine in Stranger Things 2. Next on the list is a very exciting BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR category, including: Mark Hamill for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Sean Astin for Stranger Things, Patrick Stewart for Logan, Kurt Russell for Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 and Michael Keaton for Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Keaton and Russell might have played my favourite MCU villains so far, almost making me think that they’d cured their villain problem until Hela proved me wrong in Thor: Ragnarok. Their valiant efforts to restore villainy to the Marvel Universe fell short of the mark though (get it?) as Luke Skywalker force jumps into third place with one vote. Hamills performance in The Last Jedi superbly portrays Luke’s evolution from Return Of The Jedi but that couldn’t save him from defeat at the hands of Sean Astin’s beautiful come back performance in Stranger Things, Bob Newby is a brilliantly written character but would be nothing without the kid from The Goonies playing him and earning him two votes. How could anyone win this but Patrick Stewart though? With three votes, Stewart’s final performance as Professor Charles Xavier blows the competition out of the water, genuinely my favourite performance of the year. You can’t make a movie without a director to guide the ship so let’s meet the most honourable movie captains in the BEST DIRECTOR category. The nominees are: Edgar Wright for Baby Driver, Matt Reeves for War For The Planet Of The Apes, James Mangold for Logan, Rian Johnson for Star Wars: The Last Jedi and James Gunn for Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2.
Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2 was fun and all but it really felt like it was churned our by the Marvel machine so Gunn gets no votes, as does Matt Reeves, who, despite masterfully crafting an almost Shakespearian visual tale of the war between man and ape, falls short of the third place mark. The bronze and one vote end up in the hands of James Mangold for giving us a superhero movie that really showed us what a superhero movie could be. Edgar Wright’s slick style and obvious affection for the art of film lands him in second place with the grand prize going to the man who either ruined Star Wars or fixed it, Mr. Rian Johnson. This outcome is sure to rile some people up but with two votes for Wright and three for Johnson, he won fair and square. Finally, the four I’m sure you’ve either all been waiting for or scrolled down to find, starting with BEST ACTRESS, for which the nominations are: Winona Ryder for Stranger Things, Gal Gadot for Wonder Woman, Claire Foy for The Crown, Pearl Mackie for Doctor Who and Ruth Negga for Preacher.
What a list! Gadot was charming but didn’t show enough range for a vote and Winona Ryder gets the same treatment due to her seeming quite wooden at some points during Stranger Things. Both of these performance were fantastic but failed to get the votes. The competition in this category was so fierce we ended up in a three way tie and so I was forced to choose for myself. In third I placed Ruth Negga, she’s a brilliant actress but Tulip O’Hare is perhaps not a role that lets her shine as much as she should do. Second place I handed to the most recent Doctor Who companion, Pearl Mackie. Mackie’s performance as Bill quickly became one of my favourite by a companion of the Doctor and demonstrates a real knack for creating a real believable character out of scripts that tended to be below average. This leaves the top spot open for the queen herself, Claire Foy. Never have I been so utterly convinced that I was watching the life of a person from history, Foy embodies Queen Elizabeth so well whilst also making the character her own, a delightful performance. The BEST ACTOR competition is equally tough, with some truly remarkable performances making their way into the mainstream movie and TV industry in 2017. The best of these performances include: Adam Driver for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Jon Bernthal for The Punisher, Hugh Jackman for Logan, Dan Stevens for Legion, Matt Smith for The Crown.
We don’t have a three way tie this time around but we do have two ties. Hugh Jackman takes his final bow as Wolverine with no votes, which just demonstrates the level of performance in this category. We had a tie for third place between Bernthal and Stevens, who both recurves one vote each. It was tough to choose but I decided that Bernthal’s performance as Frank Castle pushed the limits of what a comic book performance could look like more than Dan Stevens did in Legion, when it boiled down to it, Stevens’ performance consisted of everything we’ve come to expect from an insane comic book character. Then came the tie for first place. Driver and Smith both managed to get two votes and so I chose to put Driver in first and Smith second because, although a charming performance, Matt Smith never made me believe I was watching Prince Philip as Claire Foy did with Elizabeth. Adam Driver’s Ben Solo wins this category as you feel every ounce of pain he has whenever he’s on screen, Driver has such a presence on screen, he draws you in and takes you along on his emotional rollercoaster ride. He’s a fantastic villain that the audience can empathise with and be scared of. Our penultimate award is given to the BEST TV SHOW, which is either: The Punisher, Stranger Things, American Gods, Legion or Doctor Who
This category was a landslide victory, with Legion, Doctor Who and The Punisher all failing to receive a single vote. Legion I put in third place as it is one of the most original TV shows of 2017, perhaps even the most original adaptation of a comic book I’ve ever seen and just masterfully made. American Gods managed to get one vote for its amazing portrayal of a book I thought to be almost unfilmable. Five votes though, were awarded to Stranger Things for its genius second series. Every character and idea the show gave us in the first series was built upon in so many interesting ways in the second, I adore this show and can not wait for series three.
And now the big one. BEST PICTURE. What film will win the hearts of the six voters and take the most coveted Golden Egg of them all? Will it be: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, War For The Planet Of The Apes, Wonder Woman, Logan or Baby Driver?
Baby Driver and Wonder Woman are just beaten by Logan to that third place spot. Both Logan and the Apes movie received one point but Apes really stood out to me as a masterpiece, concluding the best trilogy since Toy Story, pitting Apes in second place, which can only mean one thing: half the internet is going to kill me because Star Wars takes the best picture award with a stunning four votes! I’m not going to lie, I did not see that coming when I started this thing but I’m glad it happened because The Last Jedi was truly brilliant, if you disagree, read my review to find out why you’re wrong. I’m joking, everyone’s entitled to their opinions. Even if they are wrong. So that was The Golden Egg Awards, I hope that was fun for everyone, hopefully I’ll do it again next year. Until then go read some of my reviews, comment, tell me what you think and stay tuned for more.
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